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Murray denies sabotage at Wimbledon

Andy Murray has reacted angrily to claims that he has sabotaged this year’s Wimbledon tournament to ensure that a Briton finally wins the historic grass court championship.

A number of female players withdrew injured from this year’s tournament and blamed the playing surface with Victoria Azarenka stating “The court was not in a good condition,” she said. “My opponent fell twice and I fell badly on there [Court No1]. So did a lot of people after. I don’t know if it’s right or what. I can’t figure it out. It would be great if someone from the All England Club exams it and tries to find the issue, to see what happened. There’s nothing I’ve done wrong.”

The Lawn Tennis Association denied reports that a tall, unkempt and angry-looking Scotsman muttering “Come on Andy!” was caught on security cameras pouring cooking oil onto Centre Court and Court No. 1 in the early hours of Wednesday morning.  

Murray told the BBC: “I don’t know why people are suddenly pointing fingers just because two of my three major rivals (Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer) have been knocked out of the tournament.” 

Whilst Murray proceeded in straight sets, there were a spate of high profile injury-related withdrawals from the men’s draw including Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Marin Cilic, Steve Darcis, John Isner and Radek Stepanek. 

Murray tried (and failed) to keep a straight face as he dished out high fives to his entourage and told reporters about “respecting  his next opponent” and “concentrating on his next match” and “playing a tough and experienced player”. 

Some cynical observers have been quick to note that Rafael Nadal (Murray’s potential quarter final opponent) was conveniently eliminated in the first round by unheralded Belgian Steve Darcis. Roger Federer, the 57 year old Swiss former champion, (currently suffering from “that old guy in the nightclub” syndrome) was also sent packing on Day Three of the tournament. 

Having learnt lessons from their fellow football reporter colleagues, British media outlets went into overdrive, piling even more pressure onto the Scotsman with headlines like: 

Champion Federer is beaten to open way for Andy Murray

That’s Andy! Casualties leave clear path to final for magical Murray to progress

In unrelated news, a printing shop in London claims to have received an order for 10 000 business cards to be printed immediately with the following inscription “Sir Andrew Murray”. 





About Ticha Pfupajena

I'm beginning to get the sense that my career as a professional footballer may not happen. As a result, I'll try write about football and sports instead....


3 thoughts on “Murray denies sabotage at Wimbledon

  1. Excellence TP. You should write a book! On the topic Murray will still be in trouble until he can dish some Canola oil Djokovic’s way

    Posted by Roy Richardson | 27/06/2013, 09:00
  2. This is magnificent

    Posted by Matt Chalmers (@immattchalmers) | 27/06/2013, 09:16
  3. Ain’t that “Andy” indeed….

    Posted by pardonthepun-dit | 28/06/2013, 12:18

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